Eo Ire Itum

{photo credit}

Three days after the wedding, we’ve finally cleared most of the evidence off the dining room table. My sister and my new brother are in Colorado on their honeymoon. I’m sure they’re having a beautiful time, and it makes me so happy to think of their happiness.

But you know what?

I miss her. I miss her desperately. I stood next to her and held her bouquet as she pledged herself to her man, and as they both dedicated their marriage to the Lord “for as long as we both shall live”. I smiled and cried. Because it hurts to let her go. “For as long as we both shall live”, we’ll never share a room again. “For as long as we both shall live”, I won’t wake up to her tiptoeing up to bed at midnight. “For as long as we both shall live”, I won’t have to sort her laundry. “For as long as we both shall live”, her towel won’t hang next to mine on the bathroom rack. For as long as we both shall live.

Saturday was a joyous occasion, full of hope for the future and gratefulness for God’s graciousness. The man she married is noble and wise, and I trust him to take care of my baby sister. She never looked so beautiful as she did in that pure white dress, in that pure white church, with her pure white heart.

I’ll miss her borrowing my clothes. I’ll miss sorting through her sheet music to find my own. I’ll miss laughing when she jams the sewing machine. I’ll miss talking until 5 in the morning. I’ll miss how she threw her laundry down the stairs, the way we absentmindedly harmonized in the kitchen, the living room, upstairs, outside. I’ll miss waking up and seeing her asleep in her bed, so exhausted from the day before, looking so adorable. I’ll miss the way she always asked me to scratch her back when she had asthma.

Now I can put my extra books on her vacated shelves. I don’t have to worry about her hearing me talk in my sleep and what I might say. I can keep the AC at whatever temperature I like. I can talk on the phone late at night. I don’t have to wait my turn for the bathroom. And if I cry myself to sleep, I don’t have to do it silently.

But I miss her. I miss my precious baby sister. I miss having to be strong for her, even when it hurt. I miss seeing her beautiful face every day.
She won’t be far.
I can still see her any time I like.
But “for as long as we both shall live”, it will never be the same. Sometimes, I don’t mind. I know that, in many ways, the best is yet to come.

But sometimes I miss her.

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6 responses

  1. patrizia

    oh Grace, how very precious this tribute is. She is blessed to have you as a sister, how very sweet your relationship is. I will pray for you, Grace. I will pray that the Lord will get you throught this time of missing her. It must be odd to have her gone. I knew a family that had 4 daughters, their oldes was wed & all the other sisters went through a depression & cried for days the loss of her presence in their home. Wonderful post, thank you for sharing 🙂

    May 29, 2012 at 5:50 pm

  2. Wow, Grace…this sounds…like…such a dream. O_O Whoaaaa….

    May 29, 2012 at 6:28 pm

  3. Astamarina

    That was beautiful, Grace. I love the way you write, because not only do I think how lovely it is, but it makes me feel like writing myself. I like your clarity and specificity. Your sister does look lovely in that picture, and I hope her marriage is wonderful. It must be a blessing for her to have a sister like you, who while loving her and missing her can still rejoice in her happiness.

    It was good to see you at Ashleigh’s graduation! Thanks for coming up and saying hello.

    May 29, 2012 at 6:28 pm

  4. Shari

    So sweet! Passionate story. Love you.

    May 29, 2012 at 8:09 pm

  5. Grace, we so wanted to be there. When we got up, Sarah and I said, “Oooh, Emily is getting married in just a few hours!” And later we paused when we realized the ceremony was taking place even as we were cleaning the kitchen. In the evening we did a little dance because we knew y’all had had an amazing day and one of our dear friends was married, really and truly.

    Thanks for convicting me. I have less than a month til my big day and I mustn’t forget that my sisters need me to be their sister more than anything now. Pardon the tears. It was a timely and tender reminder.

    Hugs and greetings to you and the family (and the newly weds next time you see them)!

    May 30, 2012 at 12:07 am

  6. :’) And they lived Joyfully ever after… All of them. Well done big sister and well done family. God is truly blessing all of you with a time of life… may that life and the Joy it carries continue to spread to those around you.
    Congratulations…. All of you.

    May 30, 2012 at 7:09 pm

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